Our multidimensionality as women, and as humans, is undeniable. We have many facets of ourselves and cannot put ourselves into a box and say that we are this or that without causing a feeling of uneasiness or restrictedness as spiritual beings.
Sometimes we feel blissful and love everyone we meet. Other times we feel agitated and see others’ satisfaction and greatness competitively and this creates a feeling of seperateness and can wreaks havoc on our stability. This makes our agitation more apparent to ourselves and others. We wonder why we cannot hold onto the moments of stability and inner strength that sometimes are pervasive in our lives. But since Annicca , the Buddhist word for impermanence, is always in action we have to realize that this too shall pass.
What we resist persists. As we fight against valid, and sometimes unexplainable, feelings of low-self esteem, worthlessness, not good enough, etc, we become stuck in this illusion. But if we can learn to let go and accept all that we are the mind and body can soften into a new place of beingness and awareness.
I sometimes wonder how I can become so impatient and self-incriminating during those downturns in life. I wonder if I was born with these Karmic threads or am I copying behavior I saw or experienced first hand as a child. I believe both are true. Our innocence can be robbed of us through abusive behaviors or an unstable childhood where we are called to grow up too fast and fend for ourselves long before we are prepared. We mimic the behavior of our family life out in the world and likely choose partners that resemble our parents. Unless we are willing to investigate these behaviors we may never heal our wounds and will perpetuate the cycle of dysfunction. But if we can learn to embrace who we truly are, as spiritual beings having this human experience, we can begin the process of letting go into each moment with lovingkindness.
In Buddhism we are taught to witness thinking through the meditation practice of Annapannasati. This is a simple breath awareness technique that wakes up the mind to the present moment. By witnessing the breath in the moment and feeling the sensation it creates as it enters and exits the nostrils, one breath at a time, we become more present and the disturbances, which are all coming from within us not outside ourselves, begin to soften. Our perspective, the only thing we can truly be in control of, becomes more sweet and tender towards ourselves. We start to realize that we are just doing our best each day, whether that means simply getting out of bed in the morning or running a marathon. When we stop comparing our experiences in our lives with what others are going through we feel more vibrant and alive. We can lift ourselves up and not worry about what others think of us. We become our own best friends and no longer rely on the approval of others.
Deepak Chopra says that 98% of our thoughts each day are unconscious repetitive thoughts. This means we think these thoughts over and over again without questioning their validity. Thoughts are energy and if you believe in the body-mind connection you can only imagine how the body must feel listening to these negative thoughts that happen in the background of the mind. As we wake up and bring these thoughts forward for observation we can begin to dislodge those that are not true, helpful and supportive. Through the witnessing techniques mentioned above we can begin this process and unfold into the depth of our souls.
It sounds like a lot of work, right? Is it really worth it? Yes and yes. Because you are worth it!