“I feel closest to God when I suffer.” Neem Karoli Baba
Looking back, I feel like the things that were the most challenging in my life have built me up more than the things that were handed to me. My Yoga Teacher training, finishing my college degrees, running away from destructive relationships, traveling India alone for 3 months, getting up early on a Sunday morning to go to a sweat lodge to stand barefoot in the freezing snow until it was time to go into the stifling heat.
I was a thrill seeker when I was younger. I think I was just trying to feel something, to get beyond my pain, and to prove that I could to others.
Now i do these things to intentionally let go of fear, to expand my consciousness and to wake up more and more until I die.
It is all preparation for death in this lifetime. I want to die consciously. It may take a few hundred more lifetimes. And maybe I’m wrong. But this is the reason I try every day to be a better person and to make a difference in this world.